A Life of Too Many Compromises
Updated: Aug 22
Does this ring a bell? ….“I’ve been married for 3 years. Frustration grows and joy is being sucked out of my life. I work harder, give more, constantly compromise, and get guilted into doing things I don’t want to do. I feel like I’m lying telling this person that I love him, when deep down he’s ripping me apart from the inside out. He says hurtful things, I feel like I’m being manipulated over and over, and constantly told that all the fights are my fault. He promised his depression and the fights would end if we got married, but afterward it got worse. I feel sucked down even farther and stuck with this person. I don’t see any way out because he owes me money, he tells me that I should keep giving more because we're married, and that I’m his opportunity. I’m so stuck and have no one to turn to because no one knows what is really happening in this relationship. I just want to scream!!”
It starts with what something that seems like no big deal: “Will you pay for this?” “Can you cover half of that?” “Can you do the shopping this week?”
Then it grows into more… “Can you loan me money to pay off credit card debt?” “Can you loan me money to start my business?” “Can you marry me so I can get health insurance?”
You start to see the relationship was built on lies, full of gaslighting, manipulation, opportunism, and constant fighting. You feel beat down and start to question yourself, and you find yourself giving in to a person who is trying to take advantage of you.
This story is one too many of us unfortunately know. We ask ourselves, “How did I get into this situation?”
We get blindsided, we ignore the signs, we think it will change, or we are blinded by what we think is love. We ignore our intuition and that deep down gut feeling telling us that the relationship is no good and we should get out.
Someone reading this might just say “that’s crazy, just leave!”
It’s so easy for us to tell someone else what they should do, but if you are the person in the situation, it may not be as easy as it seems to get out of a toxic relationship and get the manipulator or abuser out of your life.
Sometimes it has to get so bad for you to realize that you have been making compromises for years and the consequences of these compromises are finally catching up with you mentally and physically. You find that you desperately need to make a choice, whatever that choice may be.
Why is it that everyone else’s needs are fulfilled at your expense?
What about your needs and your purpose and passion?
There is such a tremendous push for us to be a people pleaser, to fit in, to not ruffle feathers, to avoid conflict, give to get, go with the flow, etc. There are so many names for it because these ideas have been stuffed down our throats over and over as we grow up and continue in today’s world.
We need to end the repeated compromises, especially if they are not aligned with what we want in life. We need to stop the toxicity and abuse, and we need to live for ourselves and what we need.
Too many compromises get us stuck, we lose sight our ourselves, our wants, our desires, and life is being lived for someone else….all while forgetting about ourselves.
That’s not to say that we tell everyone to “piss off”, but it is to say that we should not feel obligated to give all of ourselves just to get some love in return. Seems a little one-sided doesn’t it?.... Especially if we find ourselves in a manipulative and abusive relationship.
If this is a story all too familiar to you, now is the time to pause to look at all the compromises you have made, choose to stop the mental or physical abuse, and choose to get your life back.
Many of my clients have shared similar stories with me, and I can help you as well. Contact me today to share your story and come out on the other side of life. Let’s get your life back.